Do you ever replay a conversation long after it’s over, spend hours weighing the pros and cons of a decision, or lie awake thinking about everything that could go wrong? Maybe you go over the same thoughts again and again, hoping that if you think about them long enough, you’ll finally feel better about it. The problem is that all that thinking rarely makes things clearer. More often, it leaves you overwhelmed, second-guessing yourself, and mentally exhausted.
If that sounds familiar, anxiety might be playing a bigger role in your day-to-day life than you realize. It helps to understand why you get stuck in these loops before trying to change them.
Why do I worry about everything and overthink so much?
Overthinking often comes from a desire to feel prepared, avoid mistakes, or prevent something from going wrong. Your mind tries to anticipate every possible outcome so you won’t be caught off guard. For example, before making a decision, you might spend hours considering what could happen. After a conversation, you might replay what you said and wonder how the other person interpreted it. Even when there’s nothing you can do to change the situation, your mind keeps working on it.
The intention is to protect you, but the result is often the opposite. The more you try to think your way to the perfect answer or outcome, the harder it can become to make decisions, trust yourself, or just move on.
How to stop overthinking and challenge anxious thoughts
When you’re caught in a cycle of overthinking, your thoughts can start to feel like facts. You might focus on everything that could go wrong, overlook information that suggests otherwise, or see a situation as either a complete success or a total failure.
In Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), these patterns are often called cognitive distortions. They’re common ways of interpreting situations that can make anxiety worse. Learning to recognize and question them can help you look at situations more realistically.
Here are three that come up a lot, and how to start questioning them.
1. Look for evidence that contradicts your thoughts
When you’re anxious, you might automatically look for information that confirms what you’re worried about while overlooking anything that suggests otherwise. For example, you send a message to a friend and don’t hear back. You start thinking, “They’re upset with me.” You might then remember something you said last week that could have offended them, while overlooking the many times they’ve been busy and replied later.
Instead of accepting your first interpretation, ask yourself:
- What evidence supports this thought?
- What evidence suggests it might not be true?
- Am I overlooking information that doesn’t fit my assumption?
- What is another possible explanation?
You’re not trying to talk yourself out of the worry. You’re just making sure you’ve looked at all the information before deciding what it means.
2. Watch for all-or-nothing thinking
All-or-nothing thinking happens when you see things in extremes, with little room for anything in between. Something is either a success or a failure, you’re either doing well or messing everything up, and there’s no middle ground. For example, you make a mistake at work and immediately think, “I’m terrible at my job.” One mistake becomes proof that you’re not capable, even if you’re generally doing well.
When you notice yourself thinking in extremes, ask:
- Is this really an all-or-nothing situation?
- Is there a middle ground I’m overlooking?
- Am I judging the entire situation based on one part of it?
Try to find a more balanced way of looking at things. Instead of “I’m terrible at my job,” you might say, “I made a mistake, but that doesn’t mean I’m bad at what I do.”
3. Notice when you’re focusing only on the negative
When anxiety is high, it’s easy to give more attention to what went wrong than to what went well. You might finish a presentation and spend the rest of the day thinking about one awkward moment, barely acknowledging that the rest went smoothly. This is sometimes called selective attention. Your mind zooms in on the negative details while filtering out the rest of the picture.
When this happens, ask yourself:
- What went well that I’m not giving enough attention to?
- Am I focusing on one negative detail and ignoring the bigger picture?
- If I looked at the entire situation, what would I notice?
You don’t need to ignore what went wrong or pretend everything was perfect. Just give the parts that went well, or were simply fine, the same attention you’re giving the part that didn’t.
When should you consider anxiety therapy?
Occasional worry is a normal part of life. But if overthinking is affecting your sleep, relationships, work, or ability to enjoy your day, it might be time to get some support.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can help you understand how your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours influence one another. Together, we can identify the patterns that feed your anxiety, challenge unhelpful thinking, and practise responding to situations differently. Therapy can also help you understand why certain situations trigger anxiety in the first place, so you’re not just managing thoughts as they pop up, you’re working on what’s behind them.
Looking for online anxiety therapy in Ontario?
At Saroya Psychotherapy, we offer online anxiety therapy across Ontario. We’ll help you understand the patterns keeping you stuck and find more helpful ways to handle what’s in front of you. You don’t need to have everything figured out before reaching out. Sometimes, knowing that something needs to change is a good place to start.
Learn more about anxiety therapy, or book a free consultation.